Getting Pregnant Basics: How to cope with Difficulty Getting Pregnant
We wrote this section for all of you who - at one
time or other - struggle with learning that someone else is pregnant, or find it
difficult to be with people who already
have babies or small children. No matter how saintly you are, you're bound to
get jealous at some point and feel "It's not fair", and "Why not me?" - even if
you are genuinely happy for the other people.
When trying to get pregnant, lots of people find
they set themselves milestones. "I'll be pregnant by my next birthday", "This
will be the last summer holiday with just the two of us", "We may have some
good news to share with everyone at Christmas" and so on. So, if you're hitting
one of those milestones and aren't yet pregnant, don't beat yourself up
about the self imposed missed deadline. You'll just make yourself even more
unhappy. Be kind to yourself - as respected psychologist Dorothy Rowe recommends
- be your own best friend. Feeling good about you is important; you're still
trying to conceive, and depression is definitely something you want to avoid.
Remember the statistics in
How Long Will it
Take - not many people get pregnant at the drop of a hat!
Sometimes you may find yourself struggling with relatives showing off their new
babies, pregnant friends, other people's toddlers getting all the attention.
Hard as it is, don't turn yourself into the jealous green-eyed monster! Its not
fair to take away the happiness of those people; some of whom may once have been
in the same boat as you. Think positively. One day, you too will be blessed with
a child as those others already are. Make the most of the situation by trying
the fertility technique used by David Bowie's wife Iman - she spent the day
holding a friend's baby ... African tradition says it stimulates some deep
maternal instinct which encourages you to conceive. Last but not least, relish
being able to still devote time and attention to your partner when other couples are
being run ragged by their offspring!
One of the hardest things to cope with are the dreaded questions: "Must be your turn next", "When are you two going to have a baby
then?", and various other hurtful comments. Remember that the person asking has
no idea it is upsetting to you, so be courteous. Consider telling close family in advance of potentially
tricky occasions that this is a
difficult time for you; they can then make an extra effort to consider your
feelings. As for those who don't realise, prepare a stock, non-committal answer
and roll it out automatically without dwelling on the issue. Something like
"Yes, we hope to have a baby at some point", or "We're planning to start a
family one day but we're not sure when". A friend's husband's classic response
is "Well, we're doing lots of practising, but we're not sure when we're going to
go for the real thing".
And above all, remember the importance of a
positive attitude to improving your chances of getting pregnant.
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