Getting Pregnant Basics: How to cope with Difficulty Getting Pregnant
We wrote this section for all of you who - at one time or other - struggle with learning that someone else is pregnant, or find it difficult to be with people who already have babies or small children. No matter how saintly you are, you're bound to get jealous at some point and feel "It's not fair", and "Why not me?" - even if you are genuinely happy for the other people.
When trying to get pregnant, lots of people find they set themselves milestones. "I'll be pregnant by my next birthday", "This will be the last summer holiday with just the two of us", "We may have some good news to share with everyone at Christmas" and so on. So, if you're hitting one of those milestones and aren't yet pregnant, don't beat yourself up about the self imposed missed deadline. You'll just make yourself even more unhappy. Be kind to yourself - as respected psychologist Dorothy Rowe recommends - be your own best friend. Feeling good about you is important; you're still trying to conceive, and depression is definitely something you want to avoid. Remember the statistics in How Long Will it Take - not many people get pregnant at the drop of a hat!
Sometimes you may find yourself struggling with relatives showing off their new babies, pregnant friends, other people's toddlers getting all the attention. Hard as it is, don't turn yourself into the jealous green-eyed monster! Its not fair to take away the happiness of those people; some of whom may once have been in the same boat as you. Think positively. One day, you too will be blessed with a child as those others already are. Make the most of the situation by trying the fertility technique used by David Bowie's wife Iman - she spent the day holding a friend's baby ... African tradition says it stimulates some deep maternal instinct which encourages you to conceive. Last but not least, relish being able to still devote time and attention to your partner when other couples are being run ragged by their offspring!
One of the hardest things to cope with are the dreaded questions: "Must be your turn next", "When are you two going to have a baby then?", and various other hurtful comments. Remember that the person asking has no idea it is upsetting to you, so be courteous. Consider telling close family in advance of potentially tricky occasions that this is a difficult time for you; they can then make an extra effort to consider your feelings. As for those who don't realise, prepare a stock, non-committal answer and roll it out automatically without dwelling on the issue. Something like "Yes, we hope to have a baby at some point", or "We're planning to start a family one day but we're not sure when". A friend's husband's classic response is "Well, we're doing lots of practising, but we're not sure when we're going to go for the real thing".
And above all, remember the importance of a positive attitude to improving your chances of getting pregnant.
Visit our forum to get the support you need when trying to get pregnant is not as easy as you may have hoped.