Fertility Blues
Infertility is certainly one of the greatest struggles that a couple may endure. Most people assume that having children will come naturally - and that it will be a normal part of their marriage. Many people are shocked and frustrated when they realize that they are having fertility problems, and they feel like they are on an emotional rollercoaster as they start fertility treatments. With each treatment, there is anticipation and hope that it will work. Then, with each failed treatment, there is disappointment and frustration.
Depression Is Common
Depression can adversely affect a woman's ability to get pregnant, according to Alice D. Domar, Ph.D. As the director of the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Boston IVF, she believes that the frustration of infertility becomes compounded as they start fertility treatments and see that they aren't working. Should you find yourself being depressed, it is very important to discuss your feelings with your fertility specialist, with a social worker or with a psychologist or psychiatrist. You need help to cope with your depression and tools to overcome this obstacle.
Couples & Infertility
Infertility wears on the couple a great deal. Rather than having fun with their intimacy, they start to feel a great deal of pressure. Their intimate moments become moments of stress and duty, rather than enjoyment. Unfortunately, researchers have shown that high stress leads to more difficulties with conceiving. Couples need to make sure to communicate their emotions to each other and to try to alleviate their stress. Enjoy exercise, relaxation tapes, couples therapy, nights out together and more.
Nosy Neighbors
While your friends and family probably mean well, they may begin to ask difficult questions. When you've been married for awhile, people will start to wonder when you are going to have a baby already. These questions may become very difficult for you and people may not realize that you are having fertility issues. You'll have to decide how you want to respond. You can ignore their questions or be blunt about what you are experiencing. You should know that you have no reason to be embarrassed with these difficulties. They are completely natural and millions of couples experience fertility issues. You should also know that you don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't have children yet!
Baby Carriages Bombarding You
It's very common, when you are dwelling on something, to suddenly see it everywhere. So, too, with fertility. As you begin your infertility treatments and hope to have children, you'll suddenly see carriages and children everywhere. Your friends will start to have kids and your siblings may give birth. It's important for you to be happy for others and to be encouraging about their adventures. This may be very difficult for you, and you do have the right to distance yourself a bit from their experiences. Find a balance, however, so that you don't isolate yourself from your true friends and family and so that you can show them the excitement that you feel for their changes.
You may feel one way any given day, and then feel completely different the next day. This is completely normal when you are dealing with fertility issues. Try to keep your communication channels open with your spouse, your doctor, your therapist and others. Keep your goal in focus while working on your relationship and yourself in the process.
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